its not a competition, even though it feels like it

Long time no talk y’all.

Been a busy body these past couple weeks. But who am I kidding I honestly just didn’t know what I wanted to write about it. Like do I write about my experiences I’ve had the past couple weeks? Where I made a complete drunken fool of myself last weekend? How I met Luke Combs? My complicated boy life? Which would be hilarious while were being honest lol

As I kept pondering, I would hop on instagram, scroll, creep, compare all my photos to these really cool people online who really know how to use a camera. And kinda like that, I knew what I wanted to write about like that. Instagram and it’s evilness.

I think I hop on instagram 10 times a day. Okay sorry honesty here. More like 20 or 30 unfortunately. Because I don’t wanna miss anything from the hour before hand obviously. It gives me something to do when I’m awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact with someone in line. Or if I wanna see if the guy I’m crushing on saw my story or not. Or to see where IndyBlue is.

But it will be late at night, I’m curled up in my bed. Just got out the shower and no make up. So not looking my tip-top best at all. Double chin. Before I catch some shut eye I’m scrolling, ya know. I hop onto the explore page. Shit. Shit. Abort! Abort!!  Why do I do this. Literally the girls that pop up are breathtaking. They are in Bali and they are in their cute ass swimsuits and owning it. It really takes a toll on your self confidence. But not just with body and self image. I’m talking about the pictures. Now stick with me on this. Yes the girls are looking flawless. But the photo it’s self fits their feed so well. All these epic photos I see. Another great one after the next. Everybody is starting to travel and explore the world. Seeing what’s out there. Great lightening fitting the great landscape behind. Blahhh Blaaah Blahhh

But where my self confidence gets hurt is I feel like I should be out there like them. Taking these awesome photos. Capturing every moment. JUST SO I CAN POST THEM ON INSTAGRAM TO GET ALOT OF LIKES. And that’s what I’m getting at. Literally we are our own PR agent. I try and I try to take the best photo I can of a gorgeous sunset or shark diving or surfing or parasailing. I have to capture this moment. Because if I don’t have physical proof, how can I say I did it?! I wanna go to these places, not just because its something new to explore and make me a more well rounded person.. but because it would be a cool picture to take and post online. I remember one time on the Road to Hana, my friend was taking me swimming through these waterfalls and there was no place to hold on to my phone. I had to leave it in the car. I was upset at these because how am I going to document this and show everyone?? And honestly I think it was one of my most memorable moments I had living in Maui. 

Me and Jacqueline were literally posing candid like and I kept running back and forth for the self timer.  

And this baffles me because it’s true to ALL OF US in this day and age. Even my mom will yell at me because im not taking a photo, and enjoying the moment. I know we like to say we all want to live in the moment. But I’m pretty sure if you’re about to go do something fun like four wheeling or a day at the beach.. I’m seeing it somewhere on your social media. and that's not what I'm trying to say..

I think I had Sarah take 30 photos of me just staring at the tallest waterfall ive seen bc one just wasnt good enough 

What I’m trying to say is just because someone is out exploring the world, their feed is AWESOME, they have sponsors and get paid to be hot does not in any way form mean you’re life is any less interesting. Don’t compare your life to that. I know I’m not the only one. I go through peoples photos and think to myself “I want a photo like that” oh I wanna go there for that photo opp. Like no, I should not think like that. I should not spend the hours I do trying to get the right filter on my photos. I should not compare my photos to their photos. I get discouraged when others photos look incredible and compare my mediocre talent to them. 

I enjoy instagram for the only reason it helps me stay in touch with friends over the world and see what everyone is up to. But then that circles back to my point. WE POST EVERYTHING! If someone doesn't have an instagram or snapchat, we think they are catfish or hiding from the government. We do our everyday things with the influence of social media. Im not saying its abad thing. Im saying just dont compare yourself to anyone other then yourself. Every other day I go back and forth between deleting my snapchat and instagram. Again, being honest I can't bring myself to do it. How am I suppose to confuse people where I live now?? 

This though was not planned, im just an idiot

DONT BE A POS

I like to say to not judge other people. But I will judge you so hard if you treat the server/hostesses/busboy at a restaurant horrible. No matter how bad a waiter they are.. if you are going to let the wrong type of mayo on your sandwich to lead to an outrage in your soul and make that server feel like shit because on top of the 13 other things going on through their head from the other 5 tables, that are just as needy as you, they forgot you wanted LIGHT mayo!!!! 

I was out with a friend one time and we were enjoying our meal. She got her food that she wanted and I got mine. The server was charismatic and nice. But he forgot her extra sauce.. The friend I was with was very upset and didn't tip because of that. BECAUSE SHE HAD TO ASK AGAIN FOR EXTRA SAUCE  like what? still baffled by this. This says too much about your character when you are rude to people who are literally serving you. 

My parents have always tipped no matter the situation, from my knowledge. And I think that's the way it should be. If your food is cold, there is a 95% chance its not your waiter's fault.. if your steak is cooked wrong.. 90% chance its not the waiter's fault. you literally have someone assigned to taking care of you. While you sit there and enjoy your time and food, your server is off doing a billion and one things. I understand people go out to be catered because yes they don't wanna cook, right there with ya. And good service is something you want when you go out and want your food the right way. Switch the roles though, youre in your office job, you make a mistake that your boss yells at you for because you were suppose to do your job right. its a sucky feeling. So while that server is doing everything for you and the other 5 tables, they are doing it with a smile.

I've dabbled in the serving business and I swear it was the best job I had. Miss it a lot! But man did some days when I got off and hopped in my car boy did I wanna cry. Its brutal on you and i don't mean the physical way, even though my right bicep is bigger than my left from lifting trays of food. Or the physical aspect of balancing 10 glasses of water when you also have to run to go get the 3 beers from the bar to your other table. Or the miles you'd walked that whole shift. One time in 5 hours I took 15,000 steps. Its the mind games you have to play. Remember when you were young and you'd look at a list for lets say 30 seconds and then the list was covered and you were suppose to write down everything you remembered. its like that with serving. one table will ask for their check, another needs to put in a togo order, the table of 13 people all want separate checks but, one table needs another bowl because they don't wanna share out the same bowl for a salad, and then you have a table that's not in your section flagging you down because they need more napkins. that's front of house stuff. And all at the same time in the back of house, your a cook down, someone just dropped their tray of glasses on the floor, you have dirty dishes piling up, no one is running food because everyone is busy. Again all with a smile though. 

One time I was grabbing my trays of ribs for my table and its was Friday night at 7 pm, so its busy you imagine. I pick up my tray of ribs and turned in a hurry, shouted "corner!!" and before I knew it my ribs that were on the plates.. flew off the tray.. I literally mean flew.. they flew into the crowd of people waiting to be sat. BBQ sauce everywhere... People who haven't even been sat yet got ribs threw at them by yours truly and my table had to wait an extra 15 minutes for the new set of ribs. Having to explain that one to the table was a hoot. 

One more thing for me to ramble about and me being judgey, couples that sit on the same side of a booth when there is nobody else on the other side. I understand when your double dating or whatever. But if you are going to cuddle each other and grope one another while i'm trying to take your order you bet your ass im sitting down on the other side of the booth to make us all feel uncomfortable. The couples that are cool with it are my kind of people, and honestly hadn't had anyone tell me to get up yet, better to ask for forgiveness then permission right? 

To wrap up my thoughts:

1. Always be nice to your wait staff at any food joint  

2. Tip always, 20% 

3. Don't be that couple that sits on the same side of a booth 

awful grammer

When I was a young little lad I was the sassiest girl with always the dresses and plastic high heel shoes.  As the years come rolling I like the simple things more. I've never been one to want to have a huge house with a 7 car garage with a pool house. (wouldn't complain though) I've never been the one to want to wear designer clothes. I've never been one to want an expensive ass car. Never been the one to want to go a fancy restaurant for a date. more of Texas Roadhouse girl. But I do enjoy a fire with good music playing in the back yard. I do enjoy walking around a new place and seeing where the street takes me. I do also enjoy a a good sunset and feeling nostalgic on the day. 

Do not get me wrong. I do love spoiling myself and others. Going to a nice restaurant for someones birthday, i'm all in. I just see the world as a more simple lifestyle. I have loved living in the city. The mix of people. The multi different types of restaurants that crowd the streets, every one different from the next. Everyone is hustlin and bustlin and trying to get to the top and be the best of the best. HELL YEAH! Keeps me motivated. The Goodwills with $400 jackets for $10. The different neighborhoods of the city going from Little Italy to the biggest Chinatown in America to Union Square with designer stores then the Mission with all the best mexican food. Constantly being able to see the water because of all the damn hills. 

But this past week I wanted to drive. not drive from point a to b, because in the city its a bitch getting around. But keep driving and then i decided to make a road trip down more south. When I go on trips like this I usually stop and go and like to get lost. I was going down back roads and saw a part of California where it reminded of being back home. I don't mean home like Utah or South Carolina, I mean home like a place where its more slower paced. When you walk by someone on the street you say hello. A lot of dirt roads. Simple things.

I'm typing this in works it sheds some light on me. I had a few confused individuals ask why I use google? Why not WordPress or? Because this is simple. Google blogger is a simple website I can get some of my thoughts out with my horrible grammar. You might have thought reading my other blogs is this girl really this illiterate or what? It’s casual writing. It’s me. You might have noticed in the title i spelled grammar wrong. And I bet I'll have at least four people message me and tell me before they read my post. Jokes on yall. Can I somehow insert an eye rolling emoji?. 

I'm not a serious person and very casual, hence the simple things. This blog is show who I am. I am someone who is awful at spelling and can't speak right to save my life. When I was in elementary school I did have to attend speech therapy. While the other kids had nap time I had to get on a short bus, go to a different school and there I would have my lessons. That is who I am. My vocabulary is bad. I stutter way too often. I talk too fast. And no, you are right, its not a good thing. Online we try to show our best selves. Post only the good photos and "living our best lives".  Guilty as crap for this. But my blog is suppose to be raw, me, no filter. 

Short story: i use google because I'm simple and the grammar is bad in my blog because my grammar in real life is awful. GO WITH ITTTTTT

The Songs I Try To Sing To

I have a passion for music, like the rest of my generation and the generations before. I enjoy seeing peoples music taste and exploring new music. Many look forward to Friday because they are going out on the town, I'm home listening to New Music Friday on Spotify. And to the people that are wrong, Spotify is better than Apple Music any day. Music has the control to change any situation, any mood you are in. Its powerful! I'm not good at making playlist and choosing just one genre. I decided to make a list of songs I play on repeat or never skip. If you have any recommendations for me to add, ID LOVE TO HEAR IT!!! 

MY ALL TIME FAVORITES 

1. "This One's For You" Luke Combs: my all time favorite song.

2. "Closer" The Chainsmokers: always a banger, and if you don't agree, you're lying. 

3. "Picture" Kid Rock Ft. Sheryl Crow: one of those songs that you've know since you were little and has been one of my favorite duet songs. 

4. "Shut Up and Dance" Walk The Moon: I don't know how you can be sad when you're listening to this song.

5. "Don't Take The Money" Bleachers: tbh any song by the Bleachers is gold. 

SONGS YOU NEED TO ADD TO YOUR LIST PRONTO:
(no certain order at all)

1. "Body Like a Back Road" Sam Hunt

2. "Kings of Summer" aokay Ft. Quinn XCII

3. "Super Far" Lany

4. "do re mi" Blackbear

5. "Hurricane" Luke Combs

6. "Wanderlust" Blackbear

7. "The Ocean" Mike Perry

8. "1-800-273-8255" Logic Ft. Alessia Cara

9. "Right Girl, Wrong Time" Jon Langston

10. "Ocean Eyes" (Blackbear Remix) Billie Eilish

11. "Everybody Dies Young" Jake Owen 

12. "Goodbye" Who Is Fancy

13. "Sleep Without You" Brett Young

14. "Nights With You" MO

15. "Signed Sealed Delivered" Jackson Breit

16. "Broken Halos" Chris Stapleton

17. "Bella" Bryce Vance 

18. "More Girls Like You" Kip Moore

19. "Your Song" Rite Ora

20. "Selfish" Future Ft. Rihanna

21. "Island" Eric Bellinger

22. "Ocean Drive" Duke Dumont

23. "Hey" Fais Ft. Afrojack

24. "Up All Night" Matt DiMona (SOMEBODY NEEDS TO MAKE THIS GUY MORE FAMOUS)

25. "Don't leave" Snakehips, MO

26. "ILYSB" Lany

27. "High" Dua Lipa Ft. Whethan

28. "Festival" Rae Lynn

29. "Change Your Mind" the STRIPPED version, Jack Vallier

30. "Let's Go" Matt and Kim

31. "TROUBLE" The Knocks Ft. Absofacto

32. "She's On My Mind" JP Cooper

33. "Rabbit Hole" Forever In Your Mind

34. "You Should Talk" FLETCHER

35. "Asking For a Friend" Devin Dawson

36. "Love You Like That" Dagny (AGAIN, SOMEONE MAKE THEM MORE FAMOUS)

37. "Your Shirt" Chelsea Cutler

38. "All These Years" Camila Cabello

39. "Lose My Cool" Amber Mark

40. "No Name" NF

41. "Lips On You" Maroon 5

42. "Blue Madonna" BORNS

43. "Let's Go" MOME, Mr. J. Medeiros

44. "Planez" Katelyn Tarver

45. "Tequilawine" Olivia O'Brien

46. "Roller Coaster" Cole Swindell 

47. "Good Together" SHY Martin

48. "Problems" Petit Biscuit Ft. Lido

49. "The Loudest Silence" Maurice Moore (If you are a HIMYM fan, listen to this song)

50. "wish you the best" Blackbear

AND there are so so so many more but these are the ones that were in my top played list on spotify. and again I love new good music. SEND THEM TO MEEEEE!!!!!! 

ST THOMAS WHO?

"would you like to extend in St Thomas?" 

"Where is that?"

"Its in the Caribbean"

"Uhh.. yes!"

St Thomas is one of those places where you dont hear about it too often. Where its in the middle of the ocean. An island that is part of the US Virgin Islands. When i was offered to extend in St Thomas honestly had no idea where it was and had my doubts. Like any other 20 year old at the time. I did my research about the island and what to expect. online did not prepare me for what the island had in store for me. 

When I flew into St thomas, I knew the airport was right on the water but when I was about to land looking out at my new home in awhh I swear to the gods above we were going right in the water. Since I am here today, that was not the case. After our bumpy landing I tried to get a hold of my manager, Sheryl, who i didn't know at the time being and also a local on the island. born and raised, so as you can guess she has a thick accent and is trying to tell me where to meet her. i cant even guess what she was trying to tell me and had her text me instead, turns out Verizon doesn't work on the island so that was a whole other ordeal. Was roaming for 6 months lol anywho, on my way to meet this stranger, shots of rum are offered right when you arrive. no matter how old they handing those bad boys out. don't mind if i do then. (the legal drinking age is 18) As she’s driving me home in her “Jeep” (they call every svu type of a car a Jeep, this made it even harder to find her at pickup) lol St Thomas use to be owned by the British so you drive on the left side of the islands, did not know this and that first drive to the house was scary to me being on the left side and throwing out all my right side of the road rules. As we’re driving home along the water she points out across the harbor. “See those three red roofs, your house is the one in the middle.” 

Our house guys... Our house was the best place i've lived in. Yes we did have bugs in our food a lot of the time. Jessie was eating her cereal one time and half way through saw that the “protein” she tasted was coming from the bugs floating in the milk. Found a tarantella in my room that was killed by Harry Potter book Deathly Hollows Part 1. that's a video i love to watch over and over again. Had a rat outside on the balcony that hung out with us, Tommy was his name. Peacocks hanging out in our drive way in the mornings. “Top of the morning to y’all” Marissa had a lizard pop out of the shower drain when she was showering. girl never ran so fast in her life than in that moment.  Iguanas, one time i counted 10, the size of my arm crawling through out the backyard. (as lella calls these critters running around) Bed bugs in the beds. When it would rain all the earwigs would invade. Some days we had water, some days there was no water. Just kind of improvised with it. Had a constant gas leak that filled the house. A living we weren’t used to yet, wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

BECAUSE I KID YOU NOT IT WAS THE BEST HOUSE IVE EVER LIVED IN!!!!!!!! The house was massive with three bedrooms and three baths. our living room was the size of my whole apartment im in now. we would make the living room into a movie theartre and project our videos on the wall and layer up the couches like an actually theatre. I cant even count the times I would hang out on the porch before work enjoying a cup of coffee, at night talking on the phone, during rainy days writing in my journal. without a doubt i have more photos of that view than selfies. 

From day one we tried to play off that we were tourists because in the most delicate way we defiantly looked like it compared to the locals. We lived pretty close to the Marriots and if we didnt wanna beach that day, we would sneak into the hotels and lay by the pools and use their hot tubs at night. Yes i was kicked out once but one of the many times i say count as a win. Would also use their gyms. oh the life of a fake tourist. Our biggest worry we had was deciding what beach we wanted to go to and if we didn't wanna stay on St Thomas we would take the Ferry over to St John, the home of Kenny Chesney's songs. (At the end I have attached all the best beaches and restaurants.) A few times on the way over they let us drive the ferry in the captain chair! maybe not their smartest decision but everyone is still alive. 

In St Thomas, like any tropical place, it rains very randomly. We were hiking to Mermaids Chair (If you watch the Bachelor, this is where Nick left that one girl on the bed, lmao) this hike is in a rich neighborhood and on the way back from our beautiful destination it started to down pour. not drizzle,  it was pouring. one of the girls had a spray tan on and you could see it dripping down her face. still laughing about that. from the hike being strenuous and hot, the pouring rain you would think it would put a damper on our mood for a beach day. it was one the best hikes we went on. Laughing the whole way back up the mountain. 

It was very common when you looked out into the water to see turtles popping their head up. almost every time we would go swimming, turtles would be swimming along side us. We could go to Brewers Bay to watch the planes fly in. Coki Point has the best snorkeling spot. Sapphire beach was where volleyball was played and windsurfing was prime for. also a bar right there for ya, yeah thats my favorite beach. Linguist beach for the quite, most blue water i've seen on the island. Yall might think Hawaii is pretty for its beaches. but the water in the Caribbean beats it ANY DAY. I could see anything and everything in the water in St Thomas. The waves are much calmer and don't take you out. It was warm always!!! I love Hawaii but id take a beach in St Thomas any day over Hawaii.

There was this one day where it was a no ship day and we all got to go on a caterman sail boat "The Kat" and go out snorkeling on a random island. Also a open bar. Pain Killers and Mai Tais were my friend that day. Me and Lella had matching swimsuits and we all felt like we were bachelorettes on the boat. It was also the same day me and Myrtle Beach boyfriend broke up, no correlation just happened to be the same day. We snorkeled our tails off and headed back for a full moon party. Probably my favorite memorable day on the island. 

Iggys beaach bar was where we would hang out in the hammocks and eat fish tacos. boy, does that sound good right about now. Also they have full moon parties, those were something else. you would never see anything like it in Utah. 

From parasailing from island to island to swinging on the world known tire swing to testing my alcohol intake, St Thomas has my heart. 

The island made me grow as an adult. I was able to self reflect because I was so far from home. The people I grew up with. The people I went to high school with. I was able to get away and grow like a weed. I became my own person and my confidence was finally there. By no means now am I 100% confident, nobody is. But I don’t have to worry what people think about me. St thomas made me a better person and humbled me.

But what you don't hear about a lot is the homeless people that crowd the island. It is a pretty island, but with a pretty island comes expensive living. I am blessed because my company pays for my housing in my locations but the locals here don't have the same privilege. Everybody warned me when I was moving the SF the homeless rate. It doesn't compare to the islands. So with the hurricanes this past fall and the island being demolished I cant even imagine the homeless rate there now. Its something I shy away from, like a lot of others do as well. A subject that i sadly don't bring up alot when people ask how St Thomas was living there. back before the hurricanes they already didnt enough housing for homeless. 

"More than $333 million is needed to effectively operate and maintain the old public housing inventory,Graham said. Through the Capital fund program, the authority has $11.4 million available, with $6.7 million expended for capital projects and operations." (StThomasSource)

I bring this up to show awareness of the islands, the homeless, and the after math of the islands.One of my local friend there still has no power in her house. Our stores are still not up and running, and we are a corporate store. Imagine the local businesses there. Ive attached a link if you wanna help out this gorgeous island get back on their feet.

DONATE!!!!

ADVICE OF A 22 YEAR OLD

be cheap on stuff that doesnt matter
I love love love clothes but I HATE spending more than $20 on something. The way I have more money to do stuff is because of how much i dont spend on clothes. In SF I have a goodwill literally right next door and I freaking love it. In Utah I only shop at Plato’s. The only clothing pieces I think you should spend decent money on are shoes and watches. They are timeless. save that $50 that you were gonna spend on a tshirt and spend it on a concert or plane ticket for a weekend get a way.

in a world where you can be any one you want, be phoebe buffey. 
if you dont like Friends, i am sorry that we can not be friends. but phoebe is my spirit animal. she is the kooky/weird/offthewall one in the group, shes weird but hilarious. doesnt care what everyone else is doing and does what she wants to do. she is charismatic with guys. (ill admit ive tried to use her pick up lines on guys. It has worked in the past but if the guy didnt understand the friends reference, i ended the conversation really quick. i dont need that negativity around.) she plays the guitar. has her own music video. 2 back up guys if shes single at 40. preaches good vibes to the gang. saves kids by drinking more alcohol so the kids have less to drink = shes brilliant!! im sorry, where was i going with this?

Your family should always come first.
whether the family you were born into or the family you have made over your life.. they need to be shown love. love the crap out of them. when i was younger i always tried at all costs to not spend a friday night at home because thats lame, right?  now ive realized my parents are cooler then my friends. im still not for staying in when were so full of life rn but if im with the folks.. im all for it. i wish i could go back to my high school/middle school self and tell myself to spend more time with them. make time for your family. it might not be your parents but it could be the aunt who treated you like a child of their own or your neighbors you have a weirdly close relationship with.. MAKE TIME FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! miss you fam

be humble as shit
if you are always telling people you are confident and sexy.. they might eventually realize you are telling yourself that, not them. fake it til you make it... YES!! it totally works!!
BUT if you can be confident (an example) and dont have to tell people you are.. thats the best feeling. i can not state this enough!! if someone notices something about you and youve never told them, its very complementing to YOU. like when you get a hair cut, right? if someone notices it without you telling them.. IT MEANS SO MUCH MORE! that is what im trying to get with this. "im great at presentations" "i have the highest sales" "everybody loves me at work" GO YOU!!!!! i mean it, go you!! but when someone can realize that without you bringing it to their attention. shit. that shits gold!!!!! i love hearing people say good things about others that they dont brag about. gawwhhh its the best thing!
side note: it really should only matter what you think.. if you think a guy is cute or an outfit is cute.. then hell yes. if some one else doesnt.. good! they aint wearing the outfit and they aint gonna go for the guy then. if you think you are confident then yes, you are. im not saying youre not if you tell someone, im trying to say its more rewarding when they realize on their own.

dont take anything personal
a lot of people i know, my self included, get offended if they don't get invited to something or someone comments on something you are insecure about. 9/10 times that person is not intentionally trying to insult you. nobody thinks about you as much as you do.. FAVORITE CHARACTER! if you read something someone posted on the internet that you think is about you, its probably not. but if the shoe fits... like my last paragraph. its not about anyone but if you feel its about you.. then it might be. but not intentionally. dont get offended. it only hurts you!!

be nice 
I read an article once that said to get in the habit to do nice things for people who will never find out. If you feel you wanna donate to the homeless man downtown or pay for the person in front of you at Chick-fil-A, don’t tell them. Or again be humble about it. I try to live by this. Stick up for friends that aren’t around and won’t ever know you spoke up, atleast not from you.  just be nice not for the praise but just for being an extraordinary human.

A MOMENT

from my intense research of the definition of a moment, and by intense i mean literally typing in moment definition and jotting down the first thing i saw..
moment: a very brief period of time.
or the physics definition  that is irrelevant right now.

in life i have a few goals:

1. pet a dog everyday
2. work in music one day
3. to live in every single moment

i had a friend, Tiff, once say "don't say you cant wait for something. don't wish your life away like that." that really has stuck with me through the years and love it. i try to live like that. i wanted to write a post about it.
the other night me and my roommate were driving to the Michael Ray concert in San Jose. on the way we listened to my favorite artist, Luke Combs. in that moment i had Natalie take my phone and write in my notes on my phone what i was feeling. we couldn't find the words to describe the feeling i was feeling. we both were spitting at each other what was going through our heads but could not find the right description. but the best way i can try to describe it is, the feeling of feeling that moment. savoring the feeling of that glorious moment. and i didnt want to forget it.

i don't know if this is just me who has this passion run through their bones but i want to try to explain the feeling.

imagine youre looking out at the most beautiful sunset. all pastel colors you could think of. there are surfers with beach blonde hair in the water. whales breaching out in the distance at the horizon. a turtle under neath your hammock. your favorite song is playing on your radio. youre stuffing pizza in your face. you shut your eyes. youre taking in that moment where you feel the moment. where this moment is precious. this is a moment where it will be locked in my memory. as the months or years pass by, i might forget the colors or the song that was playing. but i wont forget how i felt right in that moment. how that moment made me feel lost for words.

i sometimes feel i feel too much. then again when im in the moment, i sometimes feel im not feeling it enough.. does this make sense to anyone?? feeling emotionally is an incredible thing that i dont think we should be ashamed of. if you feel amazing when that odd ass song comes on, why dont you sing with it. feel that feeling of pure joy of being in that moment. if a song takes you back to time in your life, let it, whether its bad or good, appreciate that moment. i listen to kip moore alot because i enjoy good music and every time i listen to him it takes me back to my alaska boy. if you feel something for someone, tell them. rachel and ross wouldnt be together if not.

feel the damn moment

(this post is literally me writing out the best i can describe how im very passionate about life)
((Shout out to Braxton Cahoon for being a great person who made my day))

YOUR PARENTS LIED: TALK TO STRANGERS

     some of you reading these posts know me personally from school. some of you we met on tinder when i was floating through your town. some we have connected over social media years ago. either way, everybody you meet leaves an imprint on this great thing called life.. 
     when i was young i would make fun of my mom for always talking to the grocery lady behind the register. "mom, she doesnt care what you did today." i was such a bratty middle schooler and cringe looking at old facebook posts. but werent we all? (please say yes so i dont feel worse.) no wonder i got my door taken away for a summer for having a myspace in 6th grade. anywho, my mom always talks to everyone she meets and is so kind to everyone. i dont know what age i changed when i started to do the same as my mother. i love talking to the people at registers. asking them their day, what time they get off what, what they are getting into after work, asking their name. PEOPLE LOVE WHEN ASK THEM THEIR NAME!
     im telling you you are your own favorite character. people love when others show an interest in their life. I KNOW I DO. so because of my mom i love people. (thanks mom!!) i love hearing their stories. i love meeting new people. i love meeting someone so random and having them become a life long friend. my best friends dont even live in the same state as me. i have met them on my internships and from growing up in different states. sometimes its hard because you miss them so much but there are sooo many people, great people out there. 
    talk to everyone. even though we all cant be indy blue, were all trying to live our best lives right? INDY BE MY FRIEND!! but be the person who says hi first, never know how the conversation will end. be the first to let go of a hug, you dont know if they really needed it. make someone feel good about themselves even if you think they dont wanna talk to you. if you think someone is pretty, tell them!! the other night i had the most flawless girl come into my work and told her just that and she became red as a lobster! she was breathtaking and I KNOW she has to get it all the time but it feels good every time to hear it no matter who you are. if you walk by someone who has a sick hat on, compliment them on it. they just might give it to you. (its happened to me before, its my favorite hat) what im trying to say is YOU DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE GOING TO MEET!!!! remember how i said i got that really good job to the real estate broker? we met at my old job at the tanning salon back in high school. i told her i was interested in real estate and said she was looking for a trainee. literally got the job because we just chit chatted.


by chatting with alot of people you realize how small the world is. below i have thought of the crazy things that has happened because i have a talking problem.

lady from slc airport:
i was in the SLC airport waiting to board my flight back to alaska after surprising my family  last June. i was waiting for my flight to board, eating a parfait, sitting on the ground, charging my phone. there was this older lady sitting right in front of me. i started chatting with because she sounded like she was from South Carolina. she was from charleston like me. she also used to live in long island like my dad and i tell her this and let her know that my family now lives in Utah though. and thats where her daughter lives. thats why she visiting utah, for her daughters wedding. fast forward to last week. i currently work in cariloha in San Francisco. i had a lady and her friend come in that are looking at socks. i start chit chatting with them. small talk kind of stuff. im asking her all the same questions too and the answers were very familiar to the lady from the airport. i tried to be not as creepy as possible asking her the question.. "do you remember meeting a girl in the salt lake city airport that was on the ground?" she says "yes and she was eating something!!" right then we realized we have met before... last year in utah and now in a bambroo retail shop in California. she gave me and a hug and we parted ways til we meet again. 

rico in puerto rico:
when i was living in st thomas, me, the other interns and our managers decided to take a trip to puerto rico the weekend before my 21st birthday because why not? we were walking through the rain forest. i was in the back of the group and kinda dying because i am not a hiker. me and ash are like "if you wait for me, ill wait for you" lol miss you ash. we had a group of guys following behind us and with me being in the back i tried to flirt with them. Rico was the one who first started the conversation with us. asked the basic questions of where are you from? what yall here for? turns out rico from michigan and i have the same birthday, october 10th. we both were in the same little rainforest hiking to the waterfall and we both were celebrating our birthdays. me and rico still keep in touch and hype each other up when are in our new locations. YOU ROCK RICO! 

shark diving instructor:
for sarahs birthday we flew from maui to oahu. we decided our adventure of the day would be swimming with sharks. the guides were awesome and fun!! later that day one of them followed me on instagram and when i read his bio it said something about ketchikan charter fishing co. (for those that dont know, ketchikan is a small small town in southeast alaska) thats where me and sarah were going next on our internship. so of course i decided to message him and ask what his relation is with it. turns out his step father owns the company and he was going up in may. so i just had to let him know that thats where me and sarah were moving in may!!! so for a month sarah, the guy i wont say what his name is, and i roamed all over ketchikan. our shark diving instructor from oahu who we never thought we'd see again was taking us fishing all over alaska. still in awh about this. 

meeting my down the road neighbors in alaska:
i was working in delsol in alaska. it was the day after the utah and byu game. a group of gentlemen come in and they were wearing byu stuff so obviously i go over and say go utes!! all awkwardly laughing and i asked are yall from utah then?? and as we kept narrowing down where we live.. found out they live 1 minute from my house and know "high school lover" and his family. we are freaking neighbors but we met in alaska.. not utah... like what...

dakota on the plane with dad:
i was at little beach in maui. a kid named dakota came over and started to talking to us. turns out hes from cottonwood heights and his cousin was one of my good friends sophomore year. so we were from the same area and living in maui. we hung out a few times and so on. my family came to visit in may and on their flight back my dad is telling me how he was talking to this guy next to him from cottonwood heights and hes a painter. i ask was his name dakota? he doesnt recall, so i show him a photo. turns out it was the same damn guy! 

alex from maui to sf:
i was on bumble and saw this scotty mccurry look alike, alex. total cutie. (told you you would be in it) we had a blast together while we both were living in maui temporarily. he left to go back to home aka san francisco in april. kinda thought that would be that last of it because i never saw myself in that neck of the woods. but cariloha offered sf to me and i couldnt turn it down.. we kinda have kept in touch over the past year, so last week me and alex met for drinks and met up again.  

joe and the boys from st thommy:
on christmas in st thomas we made friends with two boys at the beach, cool guys! hung out with them the last two weeks i was there. i snap them and whatnot still. but yeah.. never thought id see them again either. but since utah is a highly popular skiing and snowboarding location. one the guys got a job in park city, 30 minutes from my house and then the other came to visit in december. since i was home then we got to meet up. small freaking world!!!! 

SO MORAL OF THE STORY I NEED TO TALK TO MORE GIRLS!!! LOL LOL LOL after typing all of those i realize this. but anyway..

if you read all the way through i am proud of you and appreciate you. talk to strangers and think everyone is kind as shit. youre life will go alot better and so many more memories to fill it. if you have weird stories like mine above, I WANNA HEAR THEM!! send them my way :) 

How come you're moving all over the place?

in the spring of 2016 i went through an ugly break up. lets call him “high school lover” because that’s what it was. so young and so in love and sooo much heartbreak. (story for another time) so with him and i being neighbors, lol yeah that was convenient at the time... it was hard to be around the same -smaller than i thought- town. 

i had just got accepted to go to the University of Utah to finish my bachelors and i was looking to move up to salt lake. signed up for classes. ready for the summer semester to get a head start on my degree. i got a new job as an assistant to an awesome realtor broker of her own brokerage, my (at the time) dream job. i had a good plan set out for me. with or without the break up, that was the plan. i was so excited for all this too. 

i saw some friends from high school living the life in key west, OAKLEY, JORDYN, AND AVREE!!!! forever grateful for yall introducing me to this. i asked them a billion and one questions about what they were doing out there and how they were doing it, like the questions i get now. (btw i love getting questions about it and sharing this amazing company with others) (( dm for any questions always)) i had sent in my resume to Delsol for a fall internship (August- January). just so you know, Delsol is a coloring changing retail store with a sister store called Cariloha. (that's who im working for in SF.) corporate sent an email the following day asking for a 2 minute video of me selling something. i recorded me "selling" my hairbrush in my bedroom totally winging the video with no script. and if you find the video on the web, yes thats how i really am sadly. self love though, right? i was in south carolina mid june visiting friends on a family vacation when I read the email that said they loved the video and wanted to do a first interview!!!!!! my family didnt appreciate that i woke them up at 8am screaming "I GOT IT I GOT IT I GO IT" even though i didnt even have it yet. typical me. Alyssa interviewed me. i was ideally hoping for key west at first but we got to talking about the sunburn on my nose i got on vacation... back home... aka South Carolina. She then mentioned they needed to send someone to south carolina asap rocky, to the myrtle beach location because a girl left suddenly. “I LOVE SOUTH CAROLINA”  not actually thinking she’d send me out. Because what? im applying for the fall semester. also im in school and had a new job. i really cant/shouldnt leave. its also my first interview after my horribly produced video. Alyssa says “would you being willing to go to myrtle beach?” “When ya thinking?” “what do you think about monday?” “It’s thursday”... thinks about it for almost a minute... “I wanna do it” 

next day got an email with my flight information and i moved 3 days later. 

i broke the news to my family. i went to the funnest jason aldean concert. i quit my dream job. i withdrew from my classes. said bye to my boys aka my dogs. hopped on a plane out of utah. did i think at the time 2 years later id still be doing it? no mam. i was suppose to be done and go back to school. be a grown up. lol im only 22 years old though, i dont need to be a grown up yet. some people think im insane for still doing it  (those are not my kind of people) and some think "thats so cool" (those are my kind of people). the questions i get now about my life are not "how are you and "high school lover" doing?" or "how much longer til you graduate?" its more of questions of "what is the favorite place you've lived?" or "where are you gonna go next?" 

my favorite one though i get too much “how much money do you make?” (Imagine me doing the biggest eye roll and giving you the most discreet answer) BECAUSE ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. i could work at a call center or be the CEO of a new start up company, it’s plain rude to ask someone how much they make at any job. it might be the way i was raised or at least never seeing my parents ask that or its a southern thing. who freaking knows. i get there are times where yes you have to ask.. if youre going to marry that person or the person trying to approve you for a loan. but bottom line dont ask me or anyone how much they make. dont be rude. 
now let me get off my high horse and continue...

so to answer the question how am i doing what im doing? im just doing it. 
i know it’s scary to quit everything right now in your life, to just literally leave. i understand it’s difficult especially if you have ties at home. a rent, a boyfriend, want a "good" education, a job that pays well, etc. all those are AWESOME things but not what i wanted. so because i really wanted to leave and go somewhere exciting, i did. i said yes. not because of "high school lover" but for me. even though it was the best way to get over the breakup lol. i had life advantages for sure. i got lucky with this gig. Alyssa took a chance on me and im forever grateful she did. i did have people in my corner helping. but anybody honestly does if they wanna actually set sail. i wasnt even suppose to leave yet or even thought id live in the caribbean or hawaii, hell even alaska. like what!!! am i kinda bragging? very much so. this was not part of my plan and it just happened to me. I AM SO HAPPY IT DID!! i found an opportunity. wasnt scared to say yes and left all the responsibilities behind.. so if you say you can’t leave, “I have school and work.” i’m not saying you really don’t wanna go, but why aren’t you doing what you WANT to do? you’re being bamboozled by yourself my friend. we only get one life and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. 


the "final" breakup was the best thing to happen to me even if it didn’t feel like it at the time. oh boy did it not. now nobody asks me if i’m dating anyone as an opener question about myself. maybe because im ugly now or maybe its maybelline. but you get the point. 

ps.
my youtube channel for people that asked :)

always late to the party

HI YALL, im gabriella grossi, but call me gabby or gab to get on my good side. if you already know me, then this post might/will bore you. if you dont, lucky me. i get to talk about myself. one of my favorite sayings is that we are our favorite characters in our story. we see from our own perspective and literally everything we do effects our own selves. so of course we are our favorite. nothing wrong with it. the past three years i have been writing in my private journals. i try to document the days and weeks that make my life so great and not so great. wondering if i have mentioned you in my journal? if we had a face to face , then yes, youre in there. you will probably be brought up in this blog.

 i dedicate this blog to every lost, confused, sad, happy, married, single, determined, lazy, etc. person who is winging it and thinks they are the only one. i dont know what im doing in life but i know im loving whatever im doing. life man, im incredibly grateful for it and hate hate hate suicide/death/idratherdie jokes. that really needs to stop. 

background on my 22 year old self:
born in georgia, go dawgs!!! love love football and volleyball 
moved to a bougie ass area in texas when i was in 4th grade 
back to the east coast to south carolina for middle school, repped the "new girl" title for awhile
yes i do occasionally have a southern accent
sophomore year in high school moved to utah with the "mormons" and mountains (no religions will be mentioned in this blog other than right now and when i feel it needs to be addressed) 
im blessed for my parents relationship with me and my younger sister, bella, being my best friend
i have two doggos, buddy the boxer and cooper the yellow lab.. obessed
a bunch of cats but i only adore one, rascal
my dream job would be to pick music for movies/shows/theme songs/previews/anything that makes you feel something. wanna help make that happen? let me know
favorite music? country, old or pop
my smile is annoyingly always there and giving me wrinkles 
my tounge is too long, i talk really fast, im blind in my left eye
very passionate about life, pizza and dogs
i have fallen in love three times with three "boys" that will be brought up through out this with the nicknames i call them lol
i currently live in san francisco, california and love it 


there ya have it, im not a private person. i feel i should be, but i tend to tell everything im thinking and feel... lucky you or unlucky you for this blog

im starting this blog because i already write every day in my journal. i want everyone to know my story and follow this journey of mine. favorite character, remember? i title this post always late because i know this blog trend started a couple years ago and im just starting now. truly dont know why i didnt start this when i started to travel for my "job". im always late to trends. i am not trendy. oh well, do things at your own pace. i posted a poll on instagram to know if people thought itd be too cliche to start a blog or if they even read blogs.. then as i was checking the poll.. i thought to myself.. WHY DO I CARE WHAT THESE PEOPLE THINK!!!! adore alot of yall, but the rest, who are you? why do i care so much about my internet friends. if they will like my photo. how many views my youtube videos get.. (lol btw you really should watch my videos on my youtube channel.)  97 people voted the blog was too cliche.. here i am. being cliche.  If you’re one of those people who voted too cliche and you read this.. shame on you 

stay tuned for more illiterate posts my darlings