its not a competition, even though it feels like it

Long time no talk y’all.

Been a busy body these past couple weeks. But who am I kidding I honestly just didn’t know what I wanted to write about it. Like do I write about my experiences I’ve had the past couple weeks? Where I made a complete drunken fool of myself last weekend? How I met Luke Combs? My complicated boy life? Which would be hilarious while were being honest lol

As I kept pondering, I would hop on instagram, scroll, creep, compare all my photos to these really cool people online who really know how to use a camera. And kinda like that, I knew what I wanted to write about like that. Instagram and it’s evilness.

I think I hop on instagram 10 times a day. Okay sorry honesty here. More like 20 or 30 unfortunately. Because I don’t wanna miss anything from the hour before hand obviously. It gives me something to do when I’m awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact with someone in line. Or if I wanna see if the guy I’m crushing on saw my story or not. Or to see where IndyBlue is.

But it will be late at night, I’m curled up in my bed. Just got out the shower and no make up. So not looking my tip-top best at all. Double chin. Before I catch some shut eye I’m scrolling, ya know. I hop onto the explore page. Shit. Shit. Abort! Abort!!  Why do I do this. Literally the girls that pop up are breathtaking. They are in Bali and they are in their cute ass swimsuits and owning it. It really takes a toll on your self confidence. But not just with body and self image. I’m talking about the pictures. Now stick with me on this. Yes the girls are looking flawless. But the photo it’s self fits their feed so well. All these epic photos I see. Another great one after the next. Everybody is starting to travel and explore the world. Seeing what’s out there. Great lightening fitting the great landscape behind. Blahhh Blaaah Blahhh

But where my self confidence gets hurt is I feel like I should be out there like them. Taking these awesome photos. Capturing every moment. JUST SO I CAN POST THEM ON INSTAGRAM TO GET ALOT OF LIKES. And that’s what I’m getting at. Literally we are our own PR agent. I try and I try to take the best photo I can of a gorgeous sunset or shark diving or surfing or parasailing. I have to capture this moment. Because if I don’t have physical proof, how can I say I did it?! I wanna go to these places, not just because its something new to explore and make me a more well rounded person.. but because it would be a cool picture to take and post online. I remember one time on the Road to Hana, my friend was taking me swimming through these waterfalls and there was no place to hold on to my phone. I had to leave it in the car. I was upset at these because how am I going to document this and show everyone?? And honestly I think it was one of my most memorable moments I had living in Maui. 

Me and Jacqueline were literally posing candid like and I kept running back and forth for the self timer.  

And this baffles me because it’s true to ALL OF US in this day and age. Even my mom will yell at me because im not taking a photo, and enjoying the moment. I know we like to say we all want to live in the moment. But I’m pretty sure if you’re about to go do something fun like four wheeling or a day at the beach.. I’m seeing it somewhere on your social media. and that's not what I'm trying to say..

I think I had Sarah take 30 photos of me just staring at the tallest waterfall ive seen bc one just wasnt good enough 

What I’m trying to say is just because someone is out exploring the world, their feed is AWESOME, they have sponsors and get paid to be hot does not in any way form mean you’re life is any less interesting. Don’t compare your life to that. I know I’m not the only one. I go through peoples photos and think to myself “I want a photo like that” oh I wanna go there for that photo opp. Like no, I should not think like that. I should not spend the hours I do trying to get the right filter on my photos. I should not compare my photos to their photos. I get discouraged when others photos look incredible and compare my mediocre talent to them. 

I enjoy instagram for the only reason it helps me stay in touch with friends over the world and see what everyone is up to. But then that circles back to my point. WE POST EVERYTHING! If someone doesn't have an instagram or snapchat, we think they are catfish or hiding from the government. We do our everyday things with the influence of social media. Im not saying its abad thing. Im saying just dont compare yourself to anyone other then yourself. Every other day I go back and forth between deleting my snapchat and instagram. Again, being honest I can't bring myself to do it. How am I suppose to confuse people where I live now?? 

This though was not planned, im just an idiot

DONT BE A POS

I like to say to not judge other people. But I will judge you so hard if you treat the server/hostesses/busboy at a restaurant horrible. No matter how bad a waiter they are.. if you are going to let the wrong type of mayo on your sandwich to lead to an outrage in your soul and make that server feel like shit because on top of the 13 other things going on through their head from the other 5 tables, that are just as needy as you, they forgot you wanted LIGHT mayo!!!! 

I was out with a friend one time and we were enjoying our meal. She got her food that she wanted and I got mine. The server was charismatic and nice. But he forgot her extra sauce.. The friend I was with was very upset and didn't tip because of that. BECAUSE SHE HAD TO ASK AGAIN FOR EXTRA SAUCE  like what? still baffled by this. This says too much about your character when you are rude to people who are literally serving you. 

My parents have always tipped no matter the situation, from my knowledge. And I think that's the way it should be. If your food is cold, there is a 95% chance its not your waiter's fault.. if your steak is cooked wrong.. 90% chance its not the waiter's fault. you literally have someone assigned to taking care of you. While you sit there and enjoy your time and food, your server is off doing a billion and one things. I understand people go out to be catered because yes they don't wanna cook, right there with ya. And good service is something you want when you go out and want your food the right way. Switch the roles though, youre in your office job, you make a mistake that your boss yells at you for because you were suppose to do your job right. its a sucky feeling. So while that server is doing everything for you and the other 5 tables, they are doing it with a smile.

I've dabbled in the serving business and I swear it was the best job I had. Miss it a lot! But man did some days when I got off and hopped in my car boy did I wanna cry. Its brutal on you and i don't mean the physical way, even though my right bicep is bigger than my left from lifting trays of food. Or the physical aspect of balancing 10 glasses of water when you also have to run to go get the 3 beers from the bar to your other table. Or the miles you'd walked that whole shift. One time in 5 hours I took 15,000 steps. Its the mind games you have to play. Remember when you were young and you'd look at a list for lets say 30 seconds and then the list was covered and you were suppose to write down everything you remembered. its like that with serving. one table will ask for their check, another needs to put in a togo order, the table of 13 people all want separate checks but, one table needs another bowl because they don't wanna share out the same bowl for a salad, and then you have a table that's not in your section flagging you down because they need more napkins. that's front of house stuff. And all at the same time in the back of house, your a cook down, someone just dropped their tray of glasses on the floor, you have dirty dishes piling up, no one is running food because everyone is busy. Again all with a smile though. 

One time I was grabbing my trays of ribs for my table and its was Friday night at 7 pm, so its busy you imagine. I pick up my tray of ribs and turned in a hurry, shouted "corner!!" and before I knew it my ribs that were on the plates.. flew off the tray.. I literally mean flew.. they flew into the crowd of people waiting to be sat. BBQ sauce everywhere... People who haven't even been sat yet got ribs threw at them by yours truly and my table had to wait an extra 15 minutes for the new set of ribs. Having to explain that one to the table was a hoot. 

One more thing for me to ramble about and me being judgey, couples that sit on the same side of a booth when there is nobody else on the other side. I understand when your double dating or whatever. But if you are going to cuddle each other and grope one another while i'm trying to take your order you bet your ass im sitting down on the other side of the booth to make us all feel uncomfortable. The couples that are cool with it are my kind of people, and honestly hadn't had anyone tell me to get up yet, better to ask for forgiveness then permission right? 

To wrap up my thoughts:

1. Always be nice to your wait staff at any food joint  

2. Tip always, 20% 

3. Don't be that couple that sits on the same side of a booth 

awful grammer

When I was a young little lad I was the sassiest girl with always the dresses and plastic high heel shoes.  As the years come rolling I like the simple things more. I've never been one to want to have a huge house with a 7 car garage with a pool house. (wouldn't complain though) I've never been the one to want to wear designer clothes. I've never been one to want an expensive ass car. Never been the one to want to go a fancy restaurant for a date. more of Texas Roadhouse girl. But I do enjoy a fire with good music playing in the back yard. I do enjoy walking around a new place and seeing where the street takes me. I do also enjoy a a good sunset and feeling nostalgic on the day. 

Do not get me wrong. I do love spoiling myself and others. Going to a nice restaurant for someones birthday, i'm all in. I just see the world as a more simple lifestyle. I have loved living in the city. The mix of people. The multi different types of restaurants that crowd the streets, every one different from the next. Everyone is hustlin and bustlin and trying to get to the top and be the best of the best. HELL YEAH! Keeps me motivated. The Goodwills with $400 jackets for $10. The different neighborhoods of the city going from Little Italy to the biggest Chinatown in America to Union Square with designer stores then the Mission with all the best mexican food. Constantly being able to see the water because of all the damn hills. 

But this past week I wanted to drive. not drive from point a to b, because in the city its a bitch getting around. But keep driving and then i decided to make a road trip down more south. When I go on trips like this I usually stop and go and like to get lost. I was going down back roads and saw a part of California where it reminded of being back home. I don't mean home like Utah or South Carolina, I mean home like a place where its more slower paced. When you walk by someone on the street you say hello. A lot of dirt roads. Simple things.

I'm typing this in works it sheds some light on me. I had a few confused individuals ask why I use google? Why not WordPress or? Because this is simple. Google blogger is a simple website I can get some of my thoughts out with my horrible grammar. You might have thought reading my other blogs is this girl really this illiterate or what? It’s casual writing. It’s me. You might have noticed in the title i spelled grammar wrong. And I bet I'll have at least four people message me and tell me before they read my post. Jokes on yall. Can I somehow insert an eye rolling emoji?. 

I'm not a serious person and very casual, hence the simple things. This blog is show who I am. I am someone who is awful at spelling and can't speak right to save my life. When I was in elementary school I did have to attend speech therapy. While the other kids had nap time I had to get on a short bus, go to a different school and there I would have my lessons. That is who I am. My vocabulary is bad. I stutter way too often. I talk too fast. And no, you are right, its not a good thing. Online we try to show our best selves. Post only the good photos and "living our best lives".  Guilty as crap for this. But my blog is suppose to be raw, me, no filter. 

Short story: i use google because I'm simple and the grammar is bad in my blog because my grammar in real life is awful. GO WITH ITTTTTT

The Songs I Try To Sing To

I have a passion for music, like the rest of my generation and the generations before. I enjoy seeing peoples music taste and exploring new music. Many look forward to Friday because they are going out on the town, I'm home listening to New Music Friday on Spotify. And to the people that are wrong, Spotify is better than Apple Music any day. Music has the control to change any situation, any mood you are in. Its powerful! I'm not good at making playlist and choosing just one genre. I decided to make a list of songs I play on repeat or never skip. If you have any recommendations for me to add, ID LOVE TO HEAR IT!!! 

MY ALL TIME FAVORITES 

1. "This One's For You" Luke Combs: my all time favorite song.

2. "Closer" The Chainsmokers: always a banger, and if you don't agree, you're lying. 

3. "Picture" Kid Rock Ft. Sheryl Crow: one of those songs that you've know since you were little and has been one of my favorite duet songs. 

4. "Shut Up and Dance" Walk The Moon: I don't know how you can be sad when you're listening to this song.

5. "Don't Take The Money" Bleachers: tbh any song by the Bleachers is gold. 

SONGS YOU NEED TO ADD TO YOUR LIST PRONTO:
(no certain order at all)

1. "Body Like a Back Road" Sam Hunt

2. "Kings of Summer" aokay Ft. Quinn XCII

3. "Super Far" Lany

4. "do re mi" Blackbear

5. "Hurricane" Luke Combs

6. "Wanderlust" Blackbear

7. "The Ocean" Mike Perry

8. "1-800-273-8255" Logic Ft. Alessia Cara

9. "Right Girl, Wrong Time" Jon Langston

10. "Ocean Eyes" (Blackbear Remix) Billie Eilish

11. "Everybody Dies Young" Jake Owen 

12. "Goodbye" Who Is Fancy

13. "Sleep Without You" Brett Young

14. "Nights With You" MO

15. "Signed Sealed Delivered" Jackson Breit

16. "Broken Halos" Chris Stapleton

17. "Bella" Bryce Vance 

18. "More Girls Like You" Kip Moore

19. "Your Song" Rite Ora

20. "Selfish" Future Ft. Rihanna

21. "Island" Eric Bellinger

22. "Ocean Drive" Duke Dumont

23. "Hey" Fais Ft. Afrojack

24. "Up All Night" Matt DiMona (SOMEBODY NEEDS TO MAKE THIS GUY MORE FAMOUS)

25. "Don't leave" Snakehips, MO

26. "ILYSB" Lany

27. "High" Dua Lipa Ft. Whethan

28. "Festival" Rae Lynn

29. "Change Your Mind" the STRIPPED version, Jack Vallier

30. "Let's Go" Matt and Kim

31. "TROUBLE" The Knocks Ft. Absofacto

32. "She's On My Mind" JP Cooper

33. "Rabbit Hole" Forever In Your Mind

34. "You Should Talk" FLETCHER

35. "Asking For a Friend" Devin Dawson

36. "Love You Like That" Dagny (AGAIN, SOMEONE MAKE THEM MORE FAMOUS)

37. "Your Shirt" Chelsea Cutler

38. "All These Years" Camila Cabello

39. "Lose My Cool" Amber Mark

40. "No Name" NF

41. "Lips On You" Maroon 5

42. "Blue Madonna" BORNS

43. "Let's Go" MOME, Mr. J. Medeiros

44. "Planez" Katelyn Tarver

45. "Tequilawine" Olivia O'Brien

46. "Roller Coaster" Cole Swindell 

47. "Good Together" SHY Martin

48. "Problems" Petit Biscuit Ft. Lido

49. "The Loudest Silence" Maurice Moore (If you are a HIMYM fan, listen to this song)

50. "wish you the best" Blackbear

AND there are so so so many more but these are the ones that were in my top played list on spotify. and again I love new good music. SEND THEM TO MEEEEE!!!!!! 

ST THOMAS WHO?

"would you like to extend in St Thomas?" 

"Where is that?"

"Its in the Caribbean"

"Uhh.. yes!"

St Thomas is one of those places where you dont hear about it too often. Where its in the middle of the ocean. An island that is part of the US Virgin Islands. When i was offered to extend in St Thomas honestly had no idea where it was and had my doubts. Like any other 20 year old at the time. I did my research about the island and what to expect. online did not prepare me for what the island had in store for me. 

When I flew into St thomas, I knew the airport was right on the water but when I was about to land looking out at my new home in awhh I swear to the gods above we were going right in the water. Since I am here today, that was not the case. After our bumpy landing I tried to get a hold of my manager, Sheryl, who i didn't know at the time being and also a local on the island. born and raised, so as you can guess she has a thick accent and is trying to tell me where to meet her. i cant even guess what she was trying to tell me and had her text me instead, turns out Verizon doesn't work on the island so that was a whole other ordeal. Was roaming for 6 months lol anywho, on my way to meet this stranger, shots of rum are offered right when you arrive. no matter how old they handing those bad boys out. don't mind if i do then. (the legal drinking age is 18) As she’s driving me home in her “Jeep” (they call every svu type of a car a Jeep, this made it even harder to find her at pickup) lol St Thomas use to be owned by the British so you drive on the left side of the islands, did not know this and that first drive to the house was scary to me being on the left side and throwing out all my right side of the road rules. As we’re driving home along the water she points out across the harbor. “See those three red roofs, your house is the one in the middle.” 

Our house guys... Our house was the best place i've lived in. Yes we did have bugs in our food a lot of the time. Jessie was eating her cereal one time and half way through saw that the “protein” she tasted was coming from the bugs floating in the milk. Found a tarantella in my room that was killed by Harry Potter book Deathly Hollows Part 1. that's a video i love to watch over and over again. Had a rat outside on the balcony that hung out with us, Tommy was his name. Peacocks hanging out in our drive way in the mornings. “Top of the morning to y’all” Marissa had a lizard pop out of the shower drain when she was showering. girl never ran so fast in her life than in that moment.  Iguanas, one time i counted 10, the size of my arm crawling through out the backyard. (as lella calls these critters running around) Bed bugs in the beds. When it would rain all the earwigs would invade. Some days we had water, some days there was no water. Just kind of improvised with it. Had a constant gas leak that filled the house. A living we weren’t used to yet, wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

BECAUSE I KID YOU NOT IT WAS THE BEST HOUSE IVE EVER LIVED IN!!!!!!!! The house was massive with three bedrooms and three baths. our living room was the size of my whole apartment im in now. we would make the living room into a movie theartre and project our videos on the wall and layer up the couches like an actually theatre. I cant even count the times I would hang out on the porch before work enjoying a cup of coffee, at night talking on the phone, during rainy days writing in my journal. without a doubt i have more photos of that view than selfies. 

From day one we tried to play off that we were tourists because in the most delicate way we defiantly looked like it compared to the locals. We lived pretty close to the Marriots and if we didnt wanna beach that day, we would sneak into the hotels and lay by the pools and use their hot tubs at night. Yes i was kicked out once but one of the many times i say count as a win. Would also use their gyms. oh the life of a fake tourist. Our biggest worry we had was deciding what beach we wanted to go to and if we didn't wanna stay on St Thomas we would take the Ferry over to St John, the home of Kenny Chesney's songs. (At the end I have attached all the best beaches and restaurants.) A few times on the way over they let us drive the ferry in the captain chair! maybe not their smartest decision but everyone is still alive. 

In St Thomas, like any tropical place, it rains very randomly. We were hiking to Mermaids Chair (If you watch the Bachelor, this is where Nick left that one girl on the bed, lmao) this hike is in a rich neighborhood and on the way back from our beautiful destination it started to down pour. not drizzle,  it was pouring. one of the girls had a spray tan on and you could see it dripping down her face. still laughing about that. from the hike being strenuous and hot, the pouring rain you would think it would put a damper on our mood for a beach day. it was one the best hikes we went on. Laughing the whole way back up the mountain. 

It was very common when you looked out into the water to see turtles popping their head up. almost every time we would go swimming, turtles would be swimming along side us. We could go to Brewers Bay to watch the planes fly in. Coki Point has the best snorkeling spot. Sapphire beach was where volleyball was played and windsurfing was prime for. also a bar right there for ya, yeah thats my favorite beach. Linguist beach for the quite, most blue water i've seen on the island. Yall might think Hawaii is pretty for its beaches. but the water in the Caribbean beats it ANY DAY. I could see anything and everything in the water in St Thomas. The waves are much calmer and don't take you out. It was warm always!!! I love Hawaii but id take a beach in St Thomas any day over Hawaii.

There was this one day where it was a no ship day and we all got to go on a caterman sail boat "The Kat" and go out snorkeling on a random island. Also a open bar. Pain Killers and Mai Tais were my friend that day. Me and Lella had matching swimsuits and we all felt like we were bachelorettes on the boat. It was also the same day me and Myrtle Beach boyfriend broke up, no correlation just happened to be the same day. We snorkeled our tails off and headed back for a full moon party. Probably my favorite memorable day on the island. 

Iggys beaach bar was where we would hang out in the hammocks and eat fish tacos. boy, does that sound good right about now. Also they have full moon parties, those were something else. you would never see anything like it in Utah. 

From parasailing from island to island to swinging on the world known tire swing to testing my alcohol intake, St Thomas has my heart. 

The island made me grow as an adult. I was able to self reflect because I was so far from home. The people I grew up with. The people I went to high school with. I was able to get away and grow like a weed. I became my own person and my confidence was finally there. By no means now am I 100% confident, nobody is. But I don’t have to worry what people think about me. St thomas made me a better person and humbled me.

But what you don't hear about a lot is the homeless people that crowd the island. It is a pretty island, but with a pretty island comes expensive living. I am blessed because my company pays for my housing in my locations but the locals here don't have the same privilege. Everybody warned me when I was moving the SF the homeless rate. It doesn't compare to the islands. So with the hurricanes this past fall and the island being demolished I cant even imagine the homeless rate there now. Its something I shy away from, like a lot of others do as well. A subject that i sadly don't bring up alot when people ask how St Thomas was living there. back before the hurricanes they already didnt enough housing for homeless. 

"More than $333 million is needed to effectively operate and maintain the old public housing inventory,Graham said. Through the Capital fund program, the authority has $11.4 million available, with $6.7 million expended for capital projects and operations." (StThomasSource)

I bring this up to show awareness of the islands, the homeless, and the after math of the islands.One of my local friend there still has no power in her house. Our stores are still not up and running, and we are a corporate store. Imagine the local businesses there. Ive attached a link if you wanna help out this gorgeous island get back on their feet.

DONATE!!!!